Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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