Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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