I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Randomize
