Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
