if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
