I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
