I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
