you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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