I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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