i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
