I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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