I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i just made my gag reflex go away.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
