Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
