yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
