i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
