I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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