The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
