what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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