All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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