I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Randomize
