What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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