Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
