I hate all girls vehemently.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
