so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
