Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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