brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I'm so fucking centered right now
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
