then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
