Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
party gras won. party gras always wins.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
