i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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