who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
