I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
