Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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