ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
