well I can't set my house on fire every night
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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