I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
