Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
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