You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
