Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
