Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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