My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
