I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
