I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
