I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
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