You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize