woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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