You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
