I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
My hand turned me down
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
