escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
