Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
