just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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