he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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