I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
