right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
