Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Your cock deserves a montage
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
The struggles of a small town man whore
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
