Four minutes until I can fart!
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
