ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
