All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
