Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
