My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
