I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
People in love make me want to vomit
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize