And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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