why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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