This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
