The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
