I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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