I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
