Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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