my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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