did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
