At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
