i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
don't judge my taste in strippers
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize