Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
