maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
