from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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