he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
