DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
