If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
