even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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