I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
