i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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