Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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