How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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