The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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