it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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