Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
