i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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