wake up i wanna do it froggy style
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
