dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
