cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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