I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize