if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
