My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
