Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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