I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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