Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
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