Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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