A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
