His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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