you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I got inside last night via doggy door
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
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