you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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