Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
