OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
