Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
