She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
