she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
