if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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