I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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