I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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