My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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