I just saw a hot homeless man
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
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