I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
How does one acquire holy water?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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