Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
